And Baby I'll Be Moving on and I Think You Should Be
The phrase "moving on" is common in the grief and loss world, but information technology isn't very well understood or, frankly, all that helpful.
What does it mean? What does moving on look similar? How does one actually do it?
Unfortunately, at that place isn't a clear answer to those questions.
However, there are things it can be helpful to know about "moving on" after the decease of a loved ane, divorce, or other painful life consequence.
1. Y'all Are Not Responsible for How Others Feel about Your Grief Process
Typically, it feels similar what those around u.s.a. mean by "moving on" is for us to end pain, terminate talking about it, terminate remembering, cease crying, and just terminate grieving. They talk about wishing we would stop dwelling house on the hurt and encourage u.s. to just permit go and accept what happened.
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The truth is, what they really want is for the states to finish making them uncomfortable about our hurting. Let's face it—being with someone who is in pain and grieving isn't the easiest of experiences. It'due south difficult to watch someone we dear hurting so securely.
But other people's discomfort with your grief is their business, not yours. You are not responsible for making them feel more comfortable.
2. Moving On Doesn't Hateful Forgetting
I suspect that the primary difficulty many of us have with the phrase "moving on" is that it often feels as if we're being told to forget our loved ane or the relationship we in one case had.
That'southward non what moving on means. Moving on is more most learning to alive what I call a both/and life rather than an either/or life. It'due south not about grieving or forgetting, happy or sorry, black or white. It's shades of grayness.
It'due south well-nigh learning to live a full and happy life even as you miss and long for what you have lost. It's almost remembering and honoring the ane you loved while also embracing the beauty and fullness of the life yous withal go to alive. It's nearly the brilliance of your honey and the shadow of your loss coexisting in this complex and expansive experience we call living.
Grief and loss are complex, multifaceted, and multilayered. Loss and our experience of grief are integrated into our lives, not things we get rid of.
3. Moving On Doesn't Mean the Terminate of Grief, Either
Moving on from grief doesn't mean a static end. It doesn't mean suddenly we're washed grieving and will never injure again. Moving on is more than nearly moving forward than being done.
Grief and loss are complex, multifaceted, and multilayered. Loss and our feel of grief are integrated into our lives, not things we become rid of. Grief changes and morphs over time. We get stronger as we carry it, the edges of it round and dull, and with time it begins to take up less space in our lives. It doesn't but disappear. Grief can (and will) continue to remind us of our loss throughout our lifetimes, in dissimilar ways and at different times.
We move forward with life, embracing the fullness of it, even as our loss becomes function of who we now are.
4. Ultimately, You Go to Define "Moving On" for Yourself
People volition have all kinds of communication and well-meaning intentions about how you should move on, when you should practise it, and what it should look like. They, however, cannot determine that for you.
At that place are no timelines or rules to the grieving procedure. You will move through it at your unique pace and not one minute faster. The process of grieving is unique to each of united states of america. No corporeality of pressure from others tin can make us move through our process any faster, non in any kind of salubrious way.
Only yous can know when you are ready to move forrad later your loss. Merely you can make up one's mind what it means to allow become or have the loss you experienced. Only you can truly decide what it means to move on and move forward.
Whatever that looks similar for yous, it is perfect and correct.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/4-things-you-need-to-know-about-moving-on-from-grief-0623155
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